6 DAYS TO GO...

OK, SO TWO OUT OF THREE OF MY KIDS ARE SICK. PATRICK IS HEALTHY, BUT SORE AFTER HE NEARLY CUT HIS FINGER OFF WITH HIS NEW BOY SCOUT KNIFE HIS DADDY GIFTED HIM YESTERDAY. HE HAD IT, APPROXIMATELY, 2 HOURS BEFORE HE TEARFULLY CAME RUNNING IN THE HOUSE TO TELL ME HE "MADE A BAD CHOICE." HE WAS GOOFING AROUND WITH IT, AND SLICED HIS POINTER. I WAS FINE, UNTIL I NOTICED THE TRAIL OF BLOOD HE LEFT ALL OVER THE HOUSE, AND THE ARM-LOAD OF BLOOD-SOAKED PAPER TOWELS HE TOSSED IN THE GARBAGE CAN! I REMAINED CALM, AND WAS PRETTY IMPRESSED WITH THE TURNOKIT HE MADE FOR HIMSELF WHILE SEARCHING THE HOUSE FOR ME (I WAS IN THE BASEMENT CHANGING THE SPARE BEDROOM SHEETS FOR OUT MARATHON GUESTS...MY FOLKS FROM PHILLY...YAHOO!).

SO, I WASHED HIS OWIE AND TRIED NOT TO LET ON HOW SHOCKED I WAS BY ITS LENGTH AND DEPTH. NOT LONG AFTER, WE TREKKED TO THE E.R. BUT THE SWEETEST MOMENT WAS WHEN HE SADLY SAID, "I'M SO MAD AT MYSELF, MOMMY. I'M AFRAID YOU AND DAD ARE GONNA THINK I'M"...ARE YOU READY..."IN-RESPONSIBLE!!!" IN-REPSONISBLE. I LOVE WHEN THEY TRY TO USE BIG WORDS AND THEY COME OUT ALL JUMBLED. WELL, I TRIED TO HIDE MY PRIDE AND STOPPED MYSELF FROM EATING THIS CHILD UP RIGHT THEN AND THERE, AND EXPLAINED THAT HIS KNIFE IS A TOOL NOT A TOY, AND THAT HE SHOULD NEVER HAVE HAD IT OUTSIDE AND THAT I DON'T THINK HE'S IN-RESPONISLBLE (WHAT? I LOVE THAT WORD. I DON'T WANT TO GIVE HIM A COMPLEX AND CORRECT HIM. PRIORITIES, PEOPLE!). ANYWAY, HE SAID, HE THOUGHT HE WAS "IN-RESPONSIBLE AND WAS SORRY." LITTLE BUGGER.

HE'S FINE AND HAS BEEN GARNERING MUCH ATTENTION SINCE HIS E.R. VISIT. BIG SISTER HAS BEEN COLLECTING THE NEIGHBORHOOD KIDS AND TAKING THEM ON A TOUR OF THE BLOOD SPLATTERS, TRYING TO PIECE THE SCENE TOGETHER. AT LEAST SHE'S NOT SELLING TICKETS. I WOULDN'T PUT IT PAST HER.

SO, THAT'S HOW OUR TAPERING WEEKEND WENT AT THE WRIGLEY HOUSEHOLD. THE GIRLS ARE COUGHING AND SNEEZING ALL OVER MOMMY. DADDY'S STEERING CLEAR OF THEM. AND, MOM'S STARTING WITH HER OWN STUFFY NOSE AND ACHES. PERFECT TIMING...